Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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