i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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