I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
