she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
