I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
