Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
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Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
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Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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