My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
