mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
