I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
