someone get that fucking seahorse.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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