3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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