My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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