Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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