I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
This is not my ceiling
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
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One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
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They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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