I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
