we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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