so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
