found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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