wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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