What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
