Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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