i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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