ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
