This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
