My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
