You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Your cock deserves a montage
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
