No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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