Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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