we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
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