fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
