weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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