The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
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