Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'm passing your future prison.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
