I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
