Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
This can only be settled by a dance off.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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