Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize