Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Randomize
