Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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