note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Randomize
