wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
