did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
should my penis look like a turkey
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
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