This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
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She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
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We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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