If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
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I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
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The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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