So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
