I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
