he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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