I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
