I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
