Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Randomize
