if i can run in heels then i can drive
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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