I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
