she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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