dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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