we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
