She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
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If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
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I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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