I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
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and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
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I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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