Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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