it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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