I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
