peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
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She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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